The one about sleeping babies.

Last night after O baby had already gone to bed and we were winding down in the living room I held T baby in my arms and cuddled her on the couch.  She quickly fell asleep in my arms and I couldn't help but just stare at her.  My daughter is beautiful...  During the day it is hard for me to think of her as beautiful when she is sticky with food, throwing tantrums or fits,  screaming or whining for something, making so many messes and being absolutely silly.  During the day she is my silly rambunctious toddler..  Often times getting in trouble or testing my patience in some way.  Last night though when she was sleeping in my arms so quiet and peaceful I got to just look at her and take in her beauty...  Her beautiful blonde hair, her long dark eye lashes,  her pink little lips, and her cute little nose.  Her face is so symmetrical and perfect.  She looks so sweet when she is sleeping and so peaceful.  It is those moments where I am reminded of her as a baby.  Those moments are when I get flash backs to certain points in her short little history.  Her first smile, the first time she rolled over, the first time she laughed, when she crawled, when she took her first steps and so many more little memories can come back to me.  After I snuggled her and kissed her cheek (and she even smiled in her sleep) I scooped her up in my arms to take her to her bed.  I put her blankets over her and shut her door.  I was thankful for that moment and the memories it gave me.

Not much later as I was going to bed O baby woke up..  I quickly went to get him because I didn't want him to wake his sister up since they share a room now.  I decided since I was going to bed anyway I would just bring him with me.  We nurse in the night so this works out quite well for us.  After he finished nursing he fell asleep in my arms and I got to snuggle my second baby..  He looks so much like T baby did when she was little..  He drapes his little arm over me and makes the cutest little snore sounds.  He is also very beautiful..  However he isn't quite as busy as the toddler is during the day so I catch him looking beautiful many times throughout the day.  While looking at him and how beautiful he is I tell myself to really hold onto the moment because one day he will be that busy toddler..  One day he will scream and throw tantrums when he doesn't get his way.  One day he will get in trouble (a lot).  One day he will drive me crazy and I will have to wait for him to be asleep to be reminded of his beauty.  So I kiss his head and snuggle him and fall asleep with him in my arms.  Anytime he wakes up in the night I try to remind myself of this and give the top of his head a kiss while he is nursing.. 

Earlier yesterday I had a play date at my house and I felt the little pangs of jealousy as other mothers discussed how their children sleep through the night or go to sleep on their own.  Sometimes I wish my children would do that.  T baby sleeps through the night now that she is older but sometimes will wake up and come into bed with us.  We do cuddle her till she falls asleep for the night as well.  O baby still nurses anywhere from two to four times a night so I am pretty tired when they both wake up bright and early in the morning (thankful for a husband who understands this and lets me sleep in when he can). Sometimes I wish it wasn't so much work to get my children to sleep or I wish I could get some actual sleep through the night.  T baby was the same way so I am very used to being up in the night with my children.  I don't do cry it out.  If my children cry I go to them.  I am not a fan of cry it out.  I tried it once when T baby was younger and it broke my heart.  I decided the fact that it was hurting me so much to do was a sign that I shouldn't be doing it.  Now if it were a simple let them fuss for a bit and they would go to sleep that would be different.  They wouldn't do that though..  Well I am just guessing O would be like T and get so worked up he could hardly breathe.  Maybe some children can handle it but mine just get too worked up.

Last night as I was staring at my beautiful children I reminded myself that this is just one season of my life.  This season will not last long either..  It will be short in the grand scheme of things.  So instead of getting jealous of mothers who get to sleep through the night or just leave their kids in their room when its time for bed I will be happy that I get these precious extra moments with my children.  I get to feel them fall asleep in my arms.  I get to stare at them while they sleep.  I get to admire their beauty and peacefulness.  One day my children wont want me to cuddle them to sleep..  One day they wont even live at home.  One day they could be very far away from me.  When that happens I will miss these moments but be glad that I have these moments to miss.  I wont regret cuddling my children to sleep at night.  I wont regret that for a few years of my life I didn't get as much sleep as I would have liked.  So for now I will just enjoy these moments and when others talk about how I should let them cry or how they should be sleeping in their own beds or through the night I will nod my head and smile but I wont change how we do things because I want to have these moments to remember one day.

So if you are like me and sometimes feel that jealousy of others who actually get to sleep just remind yourself how short this time of your life is.  Remind yourself that one day you wont have children in the house and then you can sleep as much as you like.  For now just enjoy your special moments with your children and remember some day they will be precious memories:)